Anthony & Denise

Anthony & Denise

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Gardening and life

Please look over me it's late and this was suppose to go on the blog Musing. Oops

I often write in some pretty weird terms that some would read while others seem to connect, I talk pretty much the same way except more topics rather than to keep up with just one. I can't help but see life as a whole and the pieces that fit together to form a life. Or, everyone and everything is connected in some way. But this is just how I see my garden, being that it is spring time. Since I'm actually writing notes I'll try and keep on topic.

I turned the soil up in the gardens the other day in preparation to ready the ground for when planting time comes. Some of it was ready, some wasn't, so I worked on what was ready to be worked on. Over the course of winter I burnt limbs that had fallen, paper stuff, leaves, and grasses that I really didn't want. Some areas that needed "fluffing" I left the leaves to rot what they would and mold and they would remain the to be plowed under and the remnants blended in with the soil. Anything that the animals wouldn't consume got tossed there too. I burnt a few times at some of the tree stumps in an attempt to slowly work them away.

But finally just a few days ago the signs were ready to plant root crops. Me and Megan planted about 45 Onions sets, finished one row on one side of the garlic and a complete row on the other. I gave the rest to Mark and Bobbie. Mark looked into the bag and asked how many I was giving them, the bag had at least twice what we had planted. I told him all of them, that we had what we wanted. Then at the end of the Garlic me and Megan planted Cabbage. Yea I know, it's not a root crop and the signs weren't right to even transplant, but we done it anyway.

The next day I spread out mulch around the Onions and Cabbage and checked the straw around the Garlic. Throughout the last two gardens and even unto now we have tossed rocks out of the garden. The ground here is rocky in parts and this is the third year it has been there, one year I wasn't allowed to mess much with it during the chemo and radiation treatments. Tossing rocks is an ongoing thing and if God allows will probably be ongoing for a few more years. Who knows when we will have the ground free of enough rocks to call it free enough. The rocks are tossed and sometimes loaded onto a small lawn trailer pulled by our Lawn Mower (some call them lawn tractors) and the dumped in the area in small loads where I created a flat spot to park the two farm trucks. I have a motto. Every time I walk through the garden I try and remember to at least throw two rocks out.

Soon, as the signs come in and after Easter, we will plant this garden. Like a child who awaits Christmas present opening time, I watch. I will have to turn the soil, disc and smooth it down. We have the best of seeds and will also have some healthy plants, for those that are transplanted. We will try and space the rows just right and straight. Not too much as to waste and yet not too small as to crowd and we need to be able to walk into the rows to yet further work the soil and control the weeds. The seeds will be planted just at the right depth, according to it's needs. If they thirst and the rains don't come, then we will water them. If they are hungry we will feed them. And all the while, tossing out rocks or stones. We hope the bees come and not the pests and will plant things that help rid the pests and attract the bees and birds.

The garden will get much of my attention and adding a garden will demand more, as I try and grow enough for Charlie since he is now sick. If my oldest daughter and grandkids decide to put one out I will work the ground for them as well, plus teach them how to care for it. For gardens need care. Hopefully the crops will be bountiful, enough to provide for the ones in the family that can't grown one. Yea I know, my body is shot and there are those who would argue that I don't need to be there. Realizing that I'm not in too good of shape I will have to become creative in order to achieve this both in equipment, time, and energy. There will be those who say I will not be able to do this, just as was said last year, and though I pale in comparison to what I once was, I try. Then storms may come and they are beyond my control.

And should this year be a bountiful year I have played a little part in it. Honestly I don't care for eating most of what will be in there, but others that I care for do. So I will work the soil, the plants, toss the rocks. I do this with hope and faith. I have hope that I have done correctly and worked hard enough to make a garden that is productive. I have faith that if I do what I can that maybe God will reward me with a good producing garden, but if not then I do so with acceptance that it wasn't meant to be. Last year, even though my body faltered, I tried, but it wasn't meant to be. I did get enough of a few things to share with a few people, but nothing like I would have liked too.

That is ok though and while a bit down heartening, it is what it is... life learning. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no, and sometimes it is not yet. So, that is the way life works and should work. Nothing good and decent on this earth was created by us, God created it and loaned it to us. God gives us the energy and the ability and intelligence to take care of what we can... and that goes beyond a planted garden. If we are given much then I believe we are to share that. Like with the onions we had what we wanted, enough, while Mark had none. We had food we had not eaten, so the animals were offered it first, the the ground second. The field stones serve no purpose in the garden yet they have a purpose. They will be my "gravel" that will strengthen and make the ground harder and less mussy when the wet season comes on which to park the trucks.

And if this one fails then with God's will, I will do it again the next year as best I can. And the next, and the next, and the next... for as long as God allows. Through persistence, faith, hope, and humbleness I will keep on trying. I will remain talking to God and in the silence you can her Him talk back to you as you ponder over scriptures. With little audible voice left I have a great strong voice not audible... but then again we all do. As long as I am allowed to I will keep on fighting the odds, keep on trying, until one day it will be decided for me my trials are over.

I will still be excited if even one tomato or bean sprouts and tickled to know that I had a small part in that, and give thanks. And if my garden produce abundantly, I will rejoice and see that we all have, remembering I played a small part in it, and give thanks. Either way I will remember that I am not a Master Gardener, or any other kind of master. For this world only has one Master, and it is that Master who has granted me to work in my garden, which is His dirt, His seeds, His plants, His nutrients and hopefully by His servant... me. The rocks are right where He put them. Close enough for me to toss them where I need them, where diligence, patience, hardship, and work are needed to chip away until it is all clear. The onions came in a bundles bigger than I needed, enough to share. The constant working with the soil, to show that everything in life needs to be attended to constantly. The leaves, limbs, unwanted foods, paper, ashes from the wood stove, as a reminded that what I receive or take, I must add back something in thanks. The stubborn strong stumps, there to remind me that we are granted strength from above, even though we may not be whole in body. The weeding of the garden, to know that we must maintain our relationships. And should I get just a single fruit, that I should be thankful. And should I get a bountiful harvest, to see that I should take only what I need and see that others have what they need too.

I take honor and pride in knowing I have enough to share. Not that I produced it, but that God allowed me to play a small part in that production. That He has given me strength to endure the season, and that strengthens me... physically, emotionally, and most important, spiritually. No matter the turn out of the end result, as long as I have done my best. Knowing full well that I have learned much and tried hard. I've learned that everything has a place and everything is for a reason. One not always known, but it is there. A known one though is that I have grown each season.

Our life is a garden like that, or at least mine is. What I have learned in farming, gardening, and sometimes the hard way has been the most valuable lessons to date. I have been so blessed.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Myths I learned.

  I have to get up early tomorrow so I'll make this one short, Dental appointment.

  I had always been in the mindset that God was this big angry being just waiting to damn you. He is not. But, I stand ahead of myself. Through courses of events and boastful pride I first assumed that God was not real as I grew older and actually what I thought was smarter. I was wrong. The imagine and thoughts I had before, the preconceived notions I had learned in church was this angry deity that one could not satisfy. The one who always ordered killings that seem unsubstantiated at times. Perhaps if churches stepped out of their footnotes of the same old stories and actually taught from the Bible, no matter who it offends or who thinks the preacher is crazy, it might change. I learned that God is a whole lot like not what I had learned. He is a loving God that wants everybody to make it and gives every chance to try to measure up.  It grieves Him to lose even one person. That He loves us enough that what we fall short reaching up to Him, He will make up the difference. I learned that He is a Merciful God and what true Grace feels like.

    I learned that we are our brother's keeper. Not his judge on his day to day things, but his keeper to see that our brother/sister is never in need. I also learned that we are responsible for only ourselves, but also we impact so many people. Was it a positive impact or a negative?

  I also learned the myth of being or feeling superior to anybody.

  I learned the myth of believing in moth and rust. I'll let you all look that one up.

  I learned (at least for me) that there was no sting of death. 

Some of what I had and had not done

  I have had a lot of people through emails, Facebook messages, and on the Blogs ask me what I saw that I had and had not done right. At the time I was 44 years old a a whole lot had accumulated. I certainly wasn't the worse but I also wasn't as good as I should have been and a far cry from what I thought I was. I still am found lacking in many ways, but I'm a work in progress.

   I was taught not to judge so harshly by Papa which also taught the rest of the family too. Some of his and Annie's teaching they taught their children and us I had abide by like never turn away someone hungry or run someone off your property. While I was exactly an honest person in my youth, UPS changed that policy and I found just as I had been taught, tell the truth. I did hurt feelings sometimes as I could have told it a lot more tactfully. That a good paycheck, and a organization was about the only thing other than the many friends I made at UPS. I though had compared myself to other people in the process. I was a fast driver, holding records that I later found didn't mean squat. The place became me and who I was. If you are your job, therein lies the big mistake. If your job commands you to do or alter what is right and good, it is not worth salvation. I think when I hear the word Capitalists, I remember much of what God don't approve of. Capitalism is a religion. I know that isn't a popular thing to say either these days as the disinformation is heavy to make people think that is the American way. But look at where we are now and where it has gotten us and if you like this scenario, just wait until the curtain goes down. It ain't pretty. 

  Many asked if I had done these things while in real estate. No. While I had my license for 6 years prior they mostly just hung on a wall. It wasn't until after an injury at work that I started doing it fully time and I had left UPS. I knew better by then, plus mom wouldn't have tolerated it and would have been disappointed. I worked under her the last 2 years before the throat cancer hit.

   There were times when I even took part in making fun of less fortunate people. It wasn't often but, it did happen to keep in good graces with management. I threw my slats too occasionally at those who didn't want to live, breathe, and sleep for the company all those years I was at UPS. Dedication can be taken too far when it is in the wrong place and family and friends and number 2 and 3 of the list. God being number 1. There were times that I could have made things a bit easier on people, many, many times. Like crippled and blind people that I do as directed and just dropped the package on the porch, knowing they would be at the mercy of family or friends to get it inside. Times I could have said something kind to ease someone and times I done good to be praised and seen rather than doing good for the sake of doing good.

   It gets better than that too. Imagine every thought you have... every thought. Check that lady out and think bad things. Curse someone in your mind, done that a lot. Think your better than someone else because you are all wrapped up in what you can afford. That comes under the he or she could do better if they weren't so lazy or if they applied themselves thing. I saw myself driving and cussing while smiling, or as one Helped laughed and said, potty mouth. There are a lot of stupid people out there and I think I was perhaps the dumbest of them all. Next time your driving down the road, especially in traffic, monitor yourself. You will be given so many times to do good and do bad. Getting pissed off at the car who isn't too much on curiosity or errs is not a good thing, neither is the California Howdy sign. :). Next time you are in a check out lane and someone jumps line what you say and do is always an opportunity for right and wrong, depending on how you handle the situational.   

   Every minute of every day, no, let me correct that. I was taught to take care of the seconds and the minutes will take care of themselves, in productivity. But what is productivity? I found out that night that productivity is not what I thought. Productivity is something that can't be measured with a dollar. Something that has nothing to do what producing a product. Being productive is doing a good job, but then again, a good job is good relations with people... especially family. I never brought home the stress or anger, but I sure did the attitude. I'm sure my family was quite content that I did work all the time. At home though we had a hatchery and a mail order business for farm and pet supplies. It grew when we went online being the first hatchery up on the web and the 2nd or 3rd supply company. I was honest but heartless.

   From one of my cousins I had grown up with who had gotten murdered at twenty years old I hated and hardened my heart. I didn't grow up with my two half brothers or sisters or step brother, I grew up with my cousins as brothers and still to this day consider themselves to be. My heart broke when Joe was murdered, and my faith took a hit. Annie had many talks with me over the next 8 months about that, she died 8 months later. Joe and Mark had lived with her and taken care of her, she couldn't handle Joe being killed and the cruel words I had said to Mark and just about everybody else. Mark is all that remains now, along with Bobbie and Joey. Gerald (Mark & Joe's dad) died a few years later followed by Edna, their mom. Joe's dad which had also helped raise me began to drink and eventually he couldn't control it after Annie died in his arms, I'm not sure what I would have done the same losing a son and my mother in one year that way. Then I had a bad divorce and a lay off from Pet Dairy in the same year. I started back to church and done really good at going for the first time since I had quit as a teenager. I learned a lot and in a few short years all that learning was taken away from just one job a few years later. Then one day, as we were leaving church the preacher said, "Anthony, you need to get both feet in or both feet out". My answer was, "Well Hell, that's not a problem now is it." I haven't went back faithfully to this day. Between that and what I was being brainwashed at UPS, added with a hate than ran deep, well I'll say this. I was the best person to be around. I was funny though, lol.

   I didn't do a lot of things like get drunk, step out on my wife, beat her (she's stronger than me, lol), run around, or screw somebody over. I wasn't kind though to worse of all, my family. I ran home like they ran me. In some ways I think I was abusive to Denise with my words, the kids too. Naw, let's face it, I was cruel at times, too many times. I took them for granite. For 11 years we never took a vacation. It's not like we're just minutes away from the Smokies, a picnic would have been nice. So was looking past some things that really didn't matter and tossing more compliments out. Being kind. Getting mad easily. Giving those Marine type speeches we got at work when something didn't go right. Not telling them how proud I was of them and how much I loved them, even when I hated myself. I swallow camels and choked on gnats, as the saying goes.

  The pride, arrogance, unforgiving, hate, deception... all come through that night. My God I didn't realize all I had done or how bad I had done it. I was at the top of my heap and you know, I thought it would never end. Funny how we seem to forget that we are here for just a blink of an eye. Funny that we forget how we came into the world naked and empty handed, and we go out the same way. I had done a lot of good things too though more than I had thought for all the wrong reasons. Those don't count, at least not in a positive way.

   The only thing I had done good was that night, and that was because I thought I would never get another chance to say anything to anybody.I was afraid that my ride had come to an end and so before I went as Denise walked along beside the bed, I looked at her and said after he explained that the blockage was probably massive and it could stop my heart when they went to stop the heart attack. I said, " I've got something to confess." I saw her worried and scared too and wanted to ease her, but I was scared myself. Denise looked like oh no, here it comes, but she remained silent. I told her "I know I haven't always been a good husband, and I know that I have lacked a lot in many way. I want you to know that you have been a great wife and I have always loved you and always will. And I'm sorry for not being as good a husband as I should have been. Whatever happens tonight, please don't be bitter. I love you." It did not have the calming effect I had hoped for. Actually it may have made it worse.

  There are just too, too many things for me to list individually. If it is a gray area it is a black area , gray don't exist. If everybody is doing it and it really doesn't seem like a bad thing, then it's not a good thing either. There is only 1 you when it comes to facing God for your wrongs, nothing is curved on if you were at work or not. If your work is you it is wrong. You should work to live not live to work. Your company is not your family nor your first priority, actually it is much lower on the list, no higher than fourth. What you speak openly, silently, and think all count. Or at least that is what I seen. Judge yourself to no one except Jesus. If you are then you are already falling way short. Love yourself least than you love everybody else. Forgive, even your enemies. Love nothing this earth has because it stays on this earth. The things that are worth the most here is faith, truth, love, and those around you. That is what I learned. Anything you can actually pay money for and buy is false wealth.  Be nice. Be truthful yet tactful. Be calm, inside and out. Be Humble. Be Kind. Serve rather than being served. Anybody can be served, but only great people can be servants.

  That is just a small touch of it, but I'm sure you get the jest of it. I can tell you just as many right things I did, but some were for the wrong reasons and telling them would be bragging. I also saw how that don't look too good either. Man I've told more than I meant too. While I'm far from a saint I try and watch what I done before. There is not a day goes by that I do not ask for forgiveness. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the old me and ask that God help me to never be that man again. There is not a day that when we talk on the phone that I don't end it with I love you to Denise, the kids, the grandkids, and my parents... even to some friends. There is not a day that goes by that I don't give thanks for the great people that He has allowed me to be in the company of. People that have not only tolerated me but forgave me and loved me despite my past and my short comings. God is Good. 

  So I try and monitor myself these days, knowing how I fell the first time. That doesn't mean I still don't fall, I just know how it works now. I think this song pretty much says the truth.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Love, one aspect of the experience

  I think rather than knowing how to love I was taught that I was loved, and greatly so. This however was a different love. I really do not think this love can ever be achieved here in this world with these bodies. As I looked around and spotted Denise I felt a warm, complete, perfect love, stronger than I could ever explain. More pure than I could have ever know existed. As I watched the others in the room I felt the same way for them too. Though mentally I had an attachment to Denise, love was ll the same. Everybody was equally loved.

  I know, sounds a bit Hippie type sounding, but it is true. Here, we have different loves and levels of love... if we are fortunate. And it's perfectly natural to be that way, I think God made us to be that way apart from His presence by these bodies. We have different loves for our spouse, parents, children, God, family, friends... and within each of those different levels. That doesn't mean we do lot love truly or one better than the other. I think it is the natural way to keep order in our lives. We extend limits of our love depending upon who it is. We extend conditions on our love, depending on who it is.

  But when we are in the Light of God, maybe His love is so powerful that our souls feed off of it. I really don;t know how it works. I'm just guessing. God's love I felt that night was perfect, unconditional, complete, and a level that no words can describe.  

Friday, February 4, 2011

How Long was I dead?

Not long I think in earthly time. Once you leave your body though time does not exist. I can assure you not as long as I would have liked to.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Just a thought

I am open to creating other topics that are important so if anybody thinks of one please let me know. Thank you Lori an the rest for coming up with this. Thank you also Lori for giving me the idea for some of the topics. I have a hard time separating one thing from the other as they all seem connected and important. I also know that I a question can be asked different ways for the same general answer and that people connect with how the question is asked.  So even if the question has been asked before, please feel free to ask it again if you want or need to.
   Please note that I will always try and state what I believe from what I experienced. I learned a lot that night and through this bout with throat cancer I learned ever more. I read a lot of different stuff because the night of the NDE didn't leave me with all the answers but rather with a thirst for truth and to learn even more. That night dispelled some myths for me and revealed truths and left me with just enough information to cause me to thirst for more information of the truth. I still have so very much to learn. Hopefully we can all learn from each other and through that become better people.
 Thanks, Anthony 



Questions about our experience at the Interview

  The initial interview was done here at our home. Chris came out by himself and it was more like a home movie with a fancy microphone. It was about 2 days after dad had his stroke. Chris asked if I was ok to do the interview and I said yes. Denise was at work and so he never got to interview her that day, he had a schedule that was full doing other interviews. His first words that he said and stressed were to say what I saw and what I experienced in my own words. It was perhaps the most important thing to him that it was in my own words and of my own choosing. He listened and asked questions, just like anybody would and does. I will have to say that he had no preconceived notions whatsoever.

  We got a call asking if we would be willing to do the next taping, we weren't chosen for the first one. This was about a month or two later. So we drove to Atlanta where they put us up in a motel room and gave us expenses to eat with and fuel money. They offered to fly us but it was only about a 4 hour drive and we needed that trip and alone time together. I thought that was extremely kind. Fox only put us in a room and flew us there. Newsweek came here, but they did send us pictures later on which was nice.

  Once were got to the studio we were greeted by Supryia and Alex, along with Chris. Again none wanted anything but the truth in our own words and stressed that. None had any preconceived notions of what the answers were or what our experience was. Well, they did have my interview from the previous one, but not Denise. There is a waiting area where I waited, away from the set. They couldn't hear me nor I them for sound quality. I goofed off, even went outside and took some pictures. Denise's interview lasted from about 9am to 12. We broke for lunch for an hour. They invited us to go with them but we wanted to see what we could and eat with each other. Funny, we never mentioned the show.

  When we went back my interview started. Chris sat across from me in a chair. They placed a towel between my hands so as not to make noise. My voice wasn't strong and other than a Morphine patch I was weaning off of I used Percocets to allow me to speak without as much pain being felt. I constantly sipped water as the Saliva glands didn't work... still don't. That may be why my interview last a bit longer. Mine started at 1pm and lasted until about 6:30pm. All three were very patient with me. We were interrupted a time or two by trains and a band downstairs, but it all worked out.

  Chris had asked me questions that many had never asked and I looked deeper recalling a lot of what I had experienced. That is perhaps the funny part. It is like things grow as time goes by. I have no idea why. Maybe it is just so complex that you have the outline but the depth is felt later on. Maybe it is planted like a seed that grows.

  So until the night came of the show I had no idea what was edited out, I'm not ever sure I knew what I said, lol. It seemed to upset Denise so much that I really just didn't mention it to her, nor her to me. When we broke for lunch her make-up was washed off. I didn't want to cause anymore pain.

  So we waited until it aired. It was suppose to air in October but for whatever reason it was postponed. I wasn't sure that it would air, but I figured that if it was meant to be then it would and if not that it was ok too. We had at least gotten away from the madness and gloom of the cancer treatments, if only briefly. When we watched the show that night I was so tickled and pleased that they had selected what they did of the interviews. If I am ever remembered then I want people to remember my smile and to remember to smile. To see the lighter side of life, for this isn't what we were created for.

Questions about what changed

Questions about The Light

   I get asked often what I experienced and I can only explain what I saw. Everything illuminated with a brilliant Light. A bright light where it was brilliant than the Sun yet not harmful or hurting. It is so hard to put into words. This is not a light as we see light as being in this world, but a brilliant light that is a perfect light. There are no shadows in this light, nothing at all has a shadow. There was not point of origin. No beginning. No end. The light enveloped everything and everyone. In this light there was love, not like love here, so much so that I experienced that love and was able to love the same way. There was a warmth, a kind of warmth not able to be experienced here. An acceptance. Kindness. Healing. Perfection. Intelligence. Compassion. Power. In this light words are unspoken and felt through the soul. There are no cares, no regrets, no fears, no pain, no questions. 

  I'm also asked what was this light and honestly I can't say. I associated this light with God. The light could have came from an angel, but with the power contained in it I would imagine God. He is the only entity that I could imagine would have all these attributes. I saw no spirits nor did I see God, but I felt His presence. I know that no matter what I write here, or verbally tell, or you read in the Bible or else where, one cannot even fathom how great this is.  

  I've also heard recently a preacher that I listened to say in a sermon that NDE people are New Age people because we say the light. I know some that are New Age but I am not. True that I word things funny sometimes but after reading some in the Bible it says that God the Father and Jesus have often been described as light. In many ways I'm glad that the preacher on the radio did say what he said for I have started back reading the Bible again. This also confirms to me that the light was from God. Below is a few of what i have found. I will let you decide.

1 John 1: 5This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.

1 John 6: 6If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:

Matthew 17: 2And was transfigured before them: and his face did shine as the sun, and his raiment was white as the light.

John 8: 12 Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

John 9: 5As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.

Questions about my belief in Forgiveness

   I have a lot of people ask me questions about what all I was bad at, or what is called sinned. In some ways I was a good person and in some ways I wasn't. I think for me the things that shocked me most were the things I thought were ok, neutral ground. There is no such thing as neutral ground. There are no gray areas. There is no grading on a curve. It is what it is, right or wrong and what you or I perceive in that definition doesn't count. I have also been asked if my bad was in real estate. It wasn't. My mom would have been disappointed in me if had I have done that, plus I was raised better.

  So what was it that looked so bad? The list is too long to go in to and that alone would be a book. Rather than go into the worst of things, how about some of the gray areas. Some of the bad things I had done are pretty self evident. I can assure you that wrong is wrong and most of the wrongs are equal, it is only man that attributes levels of wrong in many cases. None it looks good or less bad when you view it. Thing is, will you confess to it. That is one reason I say practice honesty now. Make it a habit that you keep so that you will not mess up.

  A lot of my life I told lies, mostly white lies, but lies just the same. One of the things I learned real fast at UPS was to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. We were however told from many times to lie to customers. Then there was the priority thing. I placed money and pats on the back at work before my family. I was my job. Then there were those times that we secretly made fun of people. They didn't know it, but God did. In my personal business I was pretty much heartless. Therein I learned that God don't see two people standing there, just one. No excuses are accepted. Just those offenses alone were many. Add to that pride. then the feeling of judging others, now there is the real kicker and worthy of a new paragraph.

  How many times have you said or thought, "They made their own bed, now sleep in it." or similar. How many times has someone wrong you either intentionally or unintentionally then apologized and you didn't accept it. You may or may have said you did but in your heart you didn't. How many times have you said that a condition, emotional, monetary, physical, or anything else that is their problem. Or the famous words they did it to themselves which is usually followed by they can deal with it. How many times has someone asked for your help but you said no, when you really could have. How many times have you had more than what you needed (key word, needed) and someone else was in need and you did not help them. I done all of these and many times. How many times have you lusted for someone, even though you said nothing.

  Now comes the kicker. It isn't just what you said and done but what you thought. Imagine your thoughts plus you're actions. For that matter, just your thoughts alone. How many things did you do for glory? How many things have you done for the wrong reasons. Hate gays or people of another or no faith. Think about that one. Notice the first word, hate. By now you can well imagine the terror. Nothing spoken, done, or thought is excluded. If you look at someone and feel better than they are, more righteous than they are, more deserving than they are... you've already fallen way short. We are not compared to anybody or anything on earth. We are all judged the same accountancy to God's laws. We stand alone in our own sins and account alone for them. But all is revealed. Yea, I was scared. If you have ever said let justice be served, pray that God doesn't serve justice on you. I am thankful that He didn't on me.

  With all this accumulated I was forgiven. Not only forgiven but loved and welcomed with a clean slate. It was all forgotten. Wiped away. What I learned is that we judge our fellow man far more harshly than God judges us. True, there are things that we must make judgments on, but I think we overstep our bounds. Some people are so busy pointing out what someone else should be doing. In this I learned to let live and let go. I don't worry so much about the other person, theirs habits or likes or dislikes that may be wrong. I have enough on myself to worry about fixing, and I am a long ways from where I should be. I have learned to forgive, which I believe is a requirement.

  So again I looked at the Bible to see if what I was taught that night was in writing. Here are a few excerpts.

Matthew 7:
1Judge not, that ye be not judged.  2For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
 3And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Luke 6:
 36Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
 37Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
 38Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 Mark 11: 25And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

 Luke 6 :
36Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.  37Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
 38Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Questions about God and and My beliefs

Did I see God, no, but I felt Him and stood wrapped up by His Light. He did not speak as we speak to each other but rather the words are felt rather than heard. Warm and with kind, compassionate authority. I have been reading lately on who is God of the Bible, and I a have been shocked. I have however found maybe the reason I didn't see God. Look at verse 8, I was not and still am not pure at heart. 

Matthew 5

 1And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him:
 2And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,
 3Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
 4Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
 5Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
 6Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
 7Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
 8Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
 9Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
 10Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
 11Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
 12Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

General Questions about my NDE

Questions about my belief in Heaven

I've been asked if I believe in Heaven, yes I do. Did I see Heaven that night, no. My entire time I remained in the room and looked over to the left into the observation room watching Denise and the crew most of the time.

  I'm going to add this though. Knowing how great it felt to stand in the Light Of God, I can't imagine how great Heaven must be. 

Questions about my belief in Jesus

On many of the dated posts I answered questions about my belief in Jesus.I believe in Jesus. I believe that Jesus is the son of the Father God who was tortured and sacrificed for our sins. Did I see Jesus, no. I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Messiah.

  Do I pray to Jesus? No. I pray the way Jesus said to pray and then use that format to add what I need to add. Jesus is the mediator to God the Father. Yes, I also know Jesus' name is pronounced Yahshua. 

Please allow me to quote a few examples.:

Matthew 6:
7But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.  8Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.
 9After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
 10Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.
 11Give us this day our daily bread.
 12And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.
 13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.
 14For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
 15But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

John 14
 5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
 6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
 7If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.

Monday, January 31, 2011


I want to thank all those who have took the time to talk with me. I missed a few comments on the other blog so this blog is to keep track of people who want to reach out to me and Denise. If you want to comment on or ask questions about the NDE please feel free to either post here or at my cancer blog, Facebook, email or phone. I cannot express how much it means to me to talk with others and what it means to me to know that God not only helped me to change but that in the process He used this event to touch other people. Thank you each and every one.


Blogger bill said...
Hello there , I saw that you were an admin on concen and came here and saw you have cancer . You could have pulled my chin off the floor . And do you mean Morristown Tennessee ? If so , im in Knoxville . If you want to talk / e-mail just to talk , please , do so ..Even if you don't , you will be in my prayers . William - linv5800
January 8, 2011 11:25 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hi Bill. Thanks. I am a firm believer in prayers, actually proof that they work. I am in White Pine but Morristown is where I go to the dentist. UT for this cancer, Vanderbilt for the other cancer.
January 8, 2011 11:47 AM


Blogger jsteadman said...
Just found your blog after seeing your story on I survived. Thank you for sharing your story. I know that many people will find hope in it. As a cancer survivor I am praying for you. Now off to read your blog. In Gods love, Sandie
January 9, 2011 8:14 PM
Blogger CourtneyC said...
I'm just finished watching you on the Discovery channel. You are so personable and honest about yourself. That is what struck me about you...and how much God must enjoy certainly put a smile on my face. I'm so sorry to hear about your current struggles. You seem to be so strong in every way, and you are a blessing. I add you to my prayers, and your family. God bless you Anthony. Courtney
January 9, 2011 8:18 PM
Blogger AK47 said...
Hey Brother, like the other two commenters, I just saw your story on Bio channel, thank you for sharing it. I believe, in some ways, that this show, and your story amongst the others, was God's way of speaking to me. He showed me what I have to look forward to. More importantly, he showed me what I have to LIVE for; the others around me that I need to be mindful of everyday. I'll be praying for you as you go through your current trials, best of luck to you.
January 9, 2011 8:22 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Sandie, Courtney, and AK47. The producers done a great job and I believe Beyond & Back is about just the hope, faith, and love. I thank you all for the prayers and for listening to my story. God Bless, Anthony
January 9, 2011 8:34 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I saw your story and I just had to find your blog so I could tell you how much you as a person touched my heart. You made me smile, chuckle and cry. You reminded me of what's important in life. I don't think I came across your story by chance...I am certain it was for a reason. Thank you for sharing your story. Stay strong in heart and soul and may you take comfort in knowing what awaits you on the other side. With love for you and your family, Nalen
January 9, 2011 9:55 PM
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January 9, 2011 9:59 PM
Blogger ldijames said...
I saw your story tonight on I Survived...Beyond and Back. The experience that you had was so inspirational. Thank you for sharing it. I want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. God bless you, Lisa Knoxville, TN
January 9, 2011 9:59 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Nalen and Lisa for the prayers, I truly believe that is what has got me this far. I am honored that you enjoyed it and that it touched your lives. I too believe that everything has a purpose, and if this was my purpose, then no greater honor could I have asked for. God Bless and Keep you both, Anthony
January 9, 2011 10:28 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I too just found your blog after watching the show. God bless you. prayers coming your way. Linda
January 9, 2011 11:02 PM
Blogger vickie said...
I watched you on Beyond and Back. You had such a wonderful way of looking at life. With a smile. And you are such an inspiration to me. I pray for you and your family as you go through this trial now. Two years ago I was healed, by no Dr, by God's hand only. He is an awesome God. Thank you for sharing your story and God bless you and your family. I'll be checking your blog!!! :-)
January 10, 2011 10:11 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Vickie and Linda for the kind words and prayers. I am so glad that you are healed Vickie, God holds the final key to healing and life. Bod Bless you all, Anthony
January 10, 2011 10:36 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
The thing you said that has changed me is, I thought it was okay because lots of people did it. Now it does not look so good. Thank you for sharing you experience. You are in my prayers. Please know I'm trying to lead a better life because of your words.
January 10, 2011 12:58 PM

Beyond & Back Show

Blogger Mae said...
Just saw the show on the Bio channel and I had to find your blog. Amazing stuff. Thanks!
January 9, 2011 10:56 PM
Blogger Anita said...
I, too, just saw your show and felt compelled to find your blog. I have always believed in God, but also had a question of 'Is He real?' 'What happens after life?' etc.. I am one of those people who has always feared death and the What if questions that I have. What if there is no God?? Then what? Anyway, I wanted to thank you for helping me to reaffirm that God does exist, heaven exists and that death itself should be so scary. Thank you very much for opening your experience up to anyone who watches the show. I wish you the best when it comes to your own health and I also wish the best to your family.
January 10, 2011 12:11 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Mae and Anita for the kind words and thoughts. Anita, I too had questioned God's existence as I grew older but at the last minutes I turned to Him. I think this world pushes us away from Him if we let it, and I had let it. Somehow though He understood and all was forgiven by just asking. It sure is a lot better now that I know I'm not in control, cause I didn't do too well when I was driving. Now even though the roads get rough sometimes, I get to see the beauties I missed when I thought I was in control, and I never ride alone. Thanks, Anthony
January 10, 2011 9:52 AM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Hi Anthony. I left a message on your facebook too. I was so moved that I had to find your blog today. Your story had both my husband and I in tears. Our Father is so faithful to hear us. How simple to ask for forgivness and get it. I sat there wanting to feel the peace that comes with being in the presense of God Almighty.. The thing that gave me the most hope and comfort about your story was the part where you were trying to express to your wife that your were better than ok,, that you were perfect... I have a 24 year old daughter with Cystic Fibrosis.. she has never known what it feels like to be well. We almost lost her last year twice. I struggled with God and pleaded for Him to heal her.. and he did.. But there was a big part of me that new I was being selfish to keep her here on this earth.. She will never be healed here, but God still has work for her to do.. your story gave me great comfort and reinforced what I already know to be true.. that she will be perfected and never be sick again when she meets Jesus face to face. Thank you so much for sharing your story.. Much love and blessing to you and your family.. I will pray for you.. thank you.. Dar.
January 10, 2011 3:54 PM
Blogger kjpugs said...
I just saw your episode on I Survived... I am so glad to find your blog and know that you are blogging about surviving. I've had many, many blogs and no matter how many words I write or pictures I post, I know that I cannot truly touch people with the silly stuff in my life. Your blog can really touch and inspire people! I've added it to my blog reader and can't wait to keep up with you Anthony. God Bless you and your family and thank you for sharing your amazing, touching journey with the world.
January 10, 2011 7:18 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Dar and PJPugs for your kind words and prayers. PJPUGs, you never know how much your words mean to someone else, so please don't sell yourself short. I would never imagine that my words or my story would touch as many people as it has, and we all touch people in different ways. There is a reason that you are writing. Dar, your story has touched my heart as well. God has given you both this very special girl for a reason, because he knows that you all are wonderful people, and I would expect that He would expect you to hold onto her. There is nothing selfish about that and if there is I know that God will understand. We are made perfect when we meet with God through Him. All the questions we say we will ask suddenly fade away, for we have all we need and in want for nothing. I will keep you and yours in my prayers. I read a sign on a video I watched one time that say the word P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens. I believe in my heart that works, though I also keep in mind, His will be done. God Bless & Keep You All, Anthony
January 10, 2011 8:05 PM
Blogger Leah Anderson said...
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook...I was so moved by your story and your insight last night on Beyond and Back that I just had to contact you and tell you thanks for touching my life. I will keep you and your family in my prayers...
January 10, 2011 8:08 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thanks Leah, I am glad that my story has helped you. It actually makes this more bearable and an honor when I hear people say that it has helped them. To be quite honest, it helped me too. God only knows where I'd been spiritually if He hadn't have stepped in. I'm kinda hard headed so i guess it took a few slaps, lol. I appreciate your friendship and honored that you call me friend.
January 10, 2011 8:12 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
And I forgot to thank you for your prayers.
January 10, 2011 8:14 PM
Anonymous Crystal said...
I've watched the same episode more than once now, and you are truly an inspiration. You are helping countless people in more ways than you'll ever know. I think God gives us a little glimpse of Heaven through people like yourself. This gives me comfort in knowing that those I love that have passed on are in a much better place. Thank you for sharing your experience.
January 12, 2011 7:30 AM
Anonymous Shireen said...
I watch the show every week, but your story and words moved me to find your blog. I have never blogged before, but I must tell you your verbalization of your experience was life altering to me. The words you used were real and so moving. I recorded the show, so I was able to back it up and hear your words again. I got out a note pad and made notes to keep reminding me that people don't die-they then LIVE!
January 14, 2011 6:07 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Crystal and Shireen, it is good to know that sharing the event has helped someone. I have to give the people at the Bio channel and Chris, Supryia, and Alex credit too for making the show available to people, they done a great job. The most credit however goes to God, who made the call to leave and come back, I just happened to be there. Not that I'd want to do that again, but then again, I would if it meant changing me and waking me up. Denise and I watched that night and I looked over and she was crying. I might have but I wouldn't admit it if I did, lol. Crystal, my dad was in a sudden brain hemorrhage on the initial interview and I was just out of radiation treatments, dad died just 7 days after the first interview. For the taped interview we went to Atlanta just a few weeks after his death. He was a far better man than I will ever be, so funny, so gentle, so kind. The tears I shed were for us, but not a tear for him, for I know what he feels, where he is at. I miss him but I would not want him to leave where he is and come back here for anything. He hurt here, so bad where age had worked his body down. He is perfect there and I look forward to the day we can reunite. There are no good-byes, not really. Just see ya later.
January 14, 2011 9:49 PM
Blogger Andrea said...
cried when I watched the show....cried when Dea and I emailed. .... now I'm crying reading your blog!!! Keeping you in my prayers !!!
January 14, 2011 10:06 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Andrea, please don't be sad. Everything always works out for the good, be it we live or die. There is a reason for all of these things to happen, but I'd be lying if I sad I knew what it was. But please don't be sad.
January 14, 2011 10:27 PM
Blogger willowhisper said...
Ok....I'm another face in the crowd who came looking for you after seeing the amazing show on Bio. I wish you could know how much your story (and others) have profoundly affected the way I think about my faith and my concept of what a human life really is. Talk about blessed assurance! You are living proof. Please keep up your blogging. It's a true blessing to others.
January 16, 2011 7:26 AM
Blogger willowhisper said...
LiOk....I'm another face in the crowd who came looking for you after seeing the amazing show on Bio. I wish you could know how much your story (and others) have profoundly affected the way I think about my faith and my concept of what a human life really is. Talk about blessed assurance! You are living proof. Please keep up your blogging. It's a true blessing to others.
January 16, 2011 7:27 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Willowisper, Thank you. I am glad that others have been helped by our story. It kind of makes it worth it, knowing that I was a small part of helping someone. Keep the faith, Anthony
January 16, 2011 3:49 PM
Blogger M2theAK said...
you are an inspiration because of your attitude. :) you sure are back here for a reason- just watching you on the show today inspired me. i will be praying for you.
January 16, 2011 6:16 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
M2theAK, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I thank you for your prayers. Hopefully I'm back for a reason, but if not, I've enjoyed more time with my family and friends.
January 16, 2011 9:28 PM
Blogger Laura said...
I have gotten hooked on the show and appreciate people like you sharing your amazing stories. I got really excited when I saw that you live in Tennessee. I lived in Knoxville and after graduating from UT moved to Texas. I sure do miss Tennessee and whenever I watch or hear anyone from TN I feel like I'm reuniting with a friend!! That must be another reason I felt compelled to leave a comment after watching your episode and reading your blog! From what I saw on your episode, it seems you have a wonderful attitude and such a positive outlook on life and death. I have read how exhausting chemo (amongst other things) is and think you are extremely thoughtful to blog about your experiences to help others cope and deal with theirs. In addition to helping others you have also helped me gain peace with the reality of death...something which has scared me since I was a young girl. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and reassuring me that there is nothing to fear as long as I continue a loving relationship with God. Again I am thankful for you and your wife opening up about your life and what you experienced beyond that as well. I am hoping for the best for you, your family and the health of you all. God bless Anthony! :)
January 16, 2011 10:13 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just watched the show and was touched by several of your comments. I had to find your blog and leave a comment. I live in Knoxville and have some friends who live in White Pine. I feel like I'm just down the road from you! The first comment that made an impact on me was when you said, "A lot of the stuff I thought was ok because everybody does it, suddenly didn't look so ok." It makes me a little more aware of how I may treat people and hopefully, from this point on, I won't have to look back in regret. The other comment that made an impact on me was when you said, "I knew I supposed to fight. I think we're all supposed to fight with everything we have and not make the decision when it's time to go." For a number of years, I have been suicidal and have wanted to make that decision on my own. You (and others on the show) say that you would rather stay where you were because it was so peaceful and perfect. That's where I want to be, in a place that is perfect and has no pain. If I were ever in a life or death situation, I don't believe I would fight to stay here on this earth. Although I know God has a purpse for me, I sometimes get discouraged because I don't know what it is. I'm sorry you had to live through this experience, but it sounds like you have used this to further cement your place in the Kingdom. Thank you for sharing your experience and may God bless you during these trying times. I will keep you in my prayers as you continue your treatment.
January 17, 2011 9:11 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Laura and Anonymous. Two Knoxville people, yep, we're neighbors. My treatments for the Esophageal Cancer have been done at UT and St Mary's, both excellent hospitals. I thank you both for the kind words and prayers. I thank you all for watching the show and reading the blog. Honestly, there are parts of the blog I can't even read these days. There were times I couldn't believe that I had typed things, things I probably wouldn't have said to someone. Anonymous, if there is one thing everybody has, it's a purpose, God don't make mistakes. I think we all get depressed sometimes, this world has a way of doing that. I know I do at times, but not like I did after the event. We all matter, we all count, and we are all loved... even if the world says we're not, we are. There were a few things that I came back knowing that I didn't know, or maybe didn't realize. Through this, one thing has helped me when times get bad. Be it good or bad, no moment lasts forever on earth. So enjoy the good and cherish them. When the bad comes, and it does, know that it will pass, it will not last forever. A lot of times I listen to 106.9 The Light, or get online and look up songs or groups from there. However you cope, whatever may come, know that you are never alone. All you have to do is ask Him. And, if you ever need to talk, you can call me. 865-674-6318.
January 17, 2011 11:49 AM
Blogger Perpetual Pam said...
After I watched your episode on the Beyond & Back show, I just knew that many lives would be touched by it. I'm sure you have already and will continue to help many people. I just want to thank you for speaking up and telling your story without holding back. I believe what you experienced was real and telling others about it will help many to realize the value of life and the importance of love and forgiveness. I too had an "out-of-body" experience where I believe I died and left this world for a short time, even though they would not admit that I had died or my heart had stopped or anything at the oral surgeon's clinic. I don't know what happened to me physically, but I know that the experience was real. It happened in the early 80's. Ever since then, I have been very interested in what other people have had to say about what happened to them when they died and came back. In the 90's I read several books about Near Death Experiences and found them fascinating. We are only here on earth for a short time, but when that time is up, our soul or spirit will live on and move to another realm. I'm afraid of pain and suffering, but I'm not afraid to die. I know that Jesus will be there to help me move on to what ever comes next. I am grateful to you and everyone else who has been brave enough to tell about their "beyond and back" experiences. Hearing or reading about these experiences reinforced my own belief in God and Heaven. Thank you Anthony. I have prayed for you today, and will continue to pray for you. May God Bless You Always.
January 17, 2011 2:58 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Pam, I thank you for the prayers and kind words. The response has been humbling, I never knew that many people would be touched by the few minutes I was on the show. It sounds as if you did have an NDE for you came out of it with what most NDErs know. Love and forgiveness, that is what life is about. Not the judging each other and hate that we see today, but love and forgiveness. People matter. Relationships matter. I leave the judging up to God and try and work on myself and my errors. God knows I need a lot of work. I would love to hear what you experienced. Your Friend, Anthony
January 17, 2011 5:09 PM
Blogger nickee said...
Anthony, I watched you on the Bio channel last night and like others that have commented you touched my heart. I felt strongly led to find your blog tonight. I also felt more conviction in my faith and what I have chose to believe in this life about the God of my understanding. I believe one day we will understand and see the puzzle of our lives have all fit together. How different people were put in our lives for reasons we dont know. I just loved your outlook on life and you are a treasure! God has blessed you truely blessed you!
January 17, 2011 6:17 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Nickee, Thank you for the kind words. I have been amazed at how so many people have reached out and been so nice. Humbled that someone like me could have toughed so many people enough that they would care enough to let me know. I will say that I have been truly blessed. I have a great family and so many great friends and still making more. I think someday we will know what this is all about, but then again, even if we didn't it would be ok too. When in God's Light, we know everything we need to know and want for no more. I don't always make sense of this life, but I know God does and I have slowly learned that it is enough for me knowing he does. It took a while though. I heard a song that said "Please be still and know that I am God". Somehow that made sense. I think it has taken all of this for me to be still and know that God is God.
January 17, 2011 9:27 PM
Blogger The Southern Housewife said...
Amazing, amazing. I had to come search for your blog (looks like I'm not the only one! Lol) your story was so inspiring to me. Right now I am very much struggling with the concept of God and why we're here. I've grown up Catholic and have always known God, but I feel I don't really KNOW him. I love watching this show because it helps to give me proof that their is a God. I have many many questions still (why are we here? Why is there so much hate? Are some religions right and others wrong? Are there many paths to God (Buddha, Allah, ect) or is it just Jesus (or combo of all) ?? There's just so much that has me confused. But hearing your story gives me hope that there is love out there. Thank you for sharing. I'll be praying for your recovery and comfort while enduring it all. :) Peace. -Jennifer
January 19, 2011 12:01 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hi Jennifer, I am glad you enjoyed it and it has helped you. The Bio Channel gets the credit for that. They have done an excellent job and a honest one. I wish I had all the answers to your questions, but I don't. I can tell you only what i think. Bear in mind, I'm a Christian so I would say I'm a bit biased, lol. To me, I heard a man once say, and I forget who, that if we understood God, He would not be worthy of our worship. Somehow that makes sense to me. We have the finite world and so infinite is beyond our grasp. We can only imagine at best. When you step into that world, you grasp it. Come back though and you remember it, but can't explain it. While I have friends of different faiths, and they are good people, I do believe that Jesus is the way to God the Father. Then again, I think dogma gets in the way, so I'm not up on all of that. Perhaps that is why Jesus said that we must be as a child to enter. Children look at things simple. The Bible is a good History of past events and in the New Testament we're given rules to go by in addition to some of the Old Testament, most of which I view as a history lesson. I'm not that versed on the Bible though. What I do know is the Jesus said we must forgive in order to be forgiven and that rather than pointing out the fault in others, we should be working on our own faults. I think that message gets distorted a lot. We are all guilty of wrongs in some way or the other. The biggest thing though is love, and that will take care of the first two. Not so much for ourselves but for our fellow man (or woman). That and a few other Commandments, pretty simple really, or it should be. As for hate in the world one has to remember that the Bible mentions another god, the god of this world, Satan, and he is working overtime. He is all over the TV, music, and in many of the churches too. Anything to hold you back from God. I read or heard somewhere a man that put it best, "God doesn't write footnotes." As for suffering, and I'll say this quickly, please no more God :), what I didn't learn through the NDE, what I had forgotten, I learned through all of this. And now something that I had not thought about, others benefiting from my experiences. Really though, God could have put anybody where I am talking to people. There are many people who have had much worse than I. Why me, I have no idea, but I am humbled by it. I have seen and lived what I call Hell on earth the last year or so, but I've never had to walk it alone. Not only has God been there when I asked, he surrounded me with great people, people much better than I. There are many people that have earned where I am today. I really don't think it is a punishment or test when somebody gets sick. Though He may be getting someone's attention, and if that is the case, He has mine. :) I've been reading a new book that I think is cool and I'll just post the name so that nobody can say I'm making money off telling about it. Shocked By The Bible. Google it. It is one o the best books I've ever read. Well, I'll shut up now. :) I sounded a bit too close to preaching, lol. And that ain't me. I do thank you for the prayers. I believe in the P.U.S.H., or Pray Until Something Happens, no matter the answer. Your Friend, Anthony
January 20, 2011 6:51 PM
Blogger The Southern Housewife said...
Anthony, thank you SO much for taking the time to respond. I do know you must have much better things to do with your time than to answer some lost little girl. :) I'll have to reread your message again to grasp it all. So much good info. I do have one question though. As a Christian, I do worship Jesus, so keep that in mind. What makes you so confident that the path to God is through Jesus? Was it something you believed in before your NDE or was it something that was solidified after what you went through? I just would hate to think I wont get to see friendsand family who make not be the same" religion" as me. It's just sad to think about. Have you read, "The Shack?"
January 23, 2011 12:16 PM
Blogger Lori Bei Durst said...
Me too...I just watched the show and had to find you...tell Denise she looked great! :o) Really inspiring and it helped so much to hear your experience along with the others. I just wrote a bit about my mother's death on my blog. Your story gives me great comfort...thank you. I was a bit sad to hear of your continued challenges after you came back, but your attitude is so light-hearted and kind. Not to sound trite, but hang in there! May your journey be one of continued healing and joy. Blessings to you and Denise, Lori
January 23, 2011 4:37 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hey Jennifer and Lorie. I'll do another post after I read your site Lori. That is all we have here is time. I am glad that you took the time to write me. To answer your question I don't know. all that was revealed to me was what I refer to as the Light of God and what that felt like. I've done some extensive reading and I am going by what I have read and part what I believed before that day. I didn't attend church regularly as a boy but read the Bible some. The I quit, then started back, then quit again. That is where I am to this day. I had become an Agnostic up until the final minutes that night through events. Funny how we fall back when there is nowhere else to turn, or at least I did. I think that because Jesus came and bore the sins of the world that He became our doorway to God the Father. No need for priests or a third party to talk for us. We need them to teach us only what it says. The Old Testament I view what some may think a bit odd. A few rules and predictions in there but mostly a history lesson. The New Testament as a way to live. Also with a few rules but most of all, promises. I have friends of different faiths as well, most far better in actions than many that claim they are Christian. Deeds alone I don't think will get one there, faith won;t do it either, from what I've studied. It takes both. Will they go to Heaven, I don't know, taking a different path. I know though what was written. I hope they do. Here though, in this life, we are to love all people. I fall short there a bit, lol. I love to talk with my friends that have different beliefs and I can say I have learned a lot from them. Now if God has commanded someone to follow a different path, I have no idea. Apolloyan Raising 2012, is a good book to read. Though some things I have a hard time believing. As far as Allah, it doesn't bother me. Whatever name they chose to call God, for the name God is a title. This is the part I get in trouble, lol. Muslim, Judaism, and Christian all share the same Old Testament, and therefore the same God. I know that people don't like to hear that, but it's true. I don't try and change anybody's beliefs though. I leave that up to them and God. I would be scared that I might steer them wrong. But from what I have studied, Jesus is the only way. Any of the rest of dogma, I kind of look past it. Personally, I don't wish anybody to Hell. Anthony
January 23, 2011 9:16 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hey Lori, I just went to your blog and it is great. I love the quotes and inspiration that the whole blog brings out. Love the pictures too, I like antiques. Denise said thank you, but she thinks she looked fat, lol. She had cried all of her make-up off. I saw she had, she was interviewed first, then me. We were in separate rooms and separate interviews. She cried when she watched it too. You loved your mother a lot and it shows in your words. She loved you a lot too, it shows in her eyes in the picture. It isn't the end though I know you miss her. Imagine the love you had for each other then multiple that by infinity, that is what she has right now. The best days ever here on earth would pale in comparison there. Imagine the most peaceful day here in your life. It would not even compare. No sadness is allow in. No pain, No hunger. No questions. No thirst. No imperfections. All done with a love that I can't explain. The worse part is I can't explain how great it is, I miss it. My dad died between interviews and I miss him so. One ca see that in my blog. But I am so happy for him for I know what he feels. There are those who say that you just go ts sleep and await a day to rise up and come home. If that is so, just feeling Who we are near would be worth the wait. A greater person cannot exist than someone who places a love so dear in the hearts of another that they remember that love they had and cherish it. A day will come though when you will be joined with a new love, we'll call it love 2.0. Guaranteed, nothing like it on earth. Your tribute to your mom is a tribute to you and both of your greatness. Thank you for the kind words. I'm hoping that this stuff gets better or the journey ends soon. Either way I win. Course I'd like to stick around a bit longer. Denise wouldn't have nobody to boss or tease her, lol. Plus I have to do a better garden this year. :) Your Friend, Anthony
January 23, 2011 9:44 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Jennifer, I forgot to answer a question. To be honest, I haven't heard of the book "The Shack" I did right then check it out. I'll be placing an order again soon for some more books and may add that one to the list, if you think it was worth reading. Reading books is something new to me. ADD had kept me from reading complete books. I have and still do read a lot into research, just not usually religion. Would you recommend this book? I am about 1/2 way through Shocked By The Bible now and I have nothing left to read. Most of the books I have are reference books. I'm one of those people that has to do things myself. Build, repair, etc... Thank You, Anthony
January 23, 2011 10:02 PM
Blogger The Southern Housewife said...
Anthony, I would totally recommend the Shack. It was an amazing book for me and helped me answer some questions. I will definitely be looking at the book you recommend as well. Thanks for suggesting it. :) And again, thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I find it interesting that you were Agnostic and found your way back after you NDE. Id love it if you would write more about what happened and what you went through. I can't imagine what perfect love feels like. :)
January 24, 2011 9:22 AM
Blogger GirlyB said...
Hi Anthony! Guess what? I just watched the show too! :) I had to come find your blog. I am a breast cancer survivor. I found you saying something that I say, "Why did this happen to me? Maybe it was for someone else to learn something." I firmly believe that. God didn't punish me for something I did, but He instead used me as a tool. Just as He is using you, but you my friend are a multi-talented tool. What a testimony you have to share. I appreciate the fact that you are writing this blog and sharing your life with us. I have only read the most recent post, but had to stop to write you this. Can't wait to hear more from you. Hugs to you and your wife! Pam
January 28, 2011 5:06 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hi Jennifer, I have the Shack ordered so hopefully it will be in soon. Thank you for the tip on it. I've actually considered starting another blog about it and other things, but right now more mulling it over. Any questions I can answer, just ask and I'll do the best I can. I thank you for being interested. Though I'll never be able to describe what it feels like. No words for that. . :)
January 28, 2011 10:17 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hi Pam, Congratulations on being a breast cancer survivor. That is great. It would be nice to see all cancer cured, never to return again. You too have seen some rough times. Thank you also for the kinds words, but I'll guess that you have info that would be great to share. I hope you enjoy the blog and that we can be friends. I'm not a writer so look over the spelling and sentence structure. Come to think about it I think I talk that way too. :) Your Friend, Anthony
January 28, 2011 10:25 PM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Hi again Pam, You have some great blogs too. I've read some of your breast cancer blog, excellent. Thanks, Anthony
January 28, 2011 10:42 PM
Blogger Michele26 said...
I don't have a unique experience to others, your story touched me and moved me to find your blog. After viewing the show on Bio, I think there is little question as to how God is working through you to reach and inspire others. You mentioned, during your interview, that you don't think you write nor express yourself well. Your words are wise and your posts resounding, strong and so touching - words truly from the heart. Thank you. You are an inspiration and a person that will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
January 31, 2011 11:15 AM
Blogger anthony7 said...
Thank you Michelle. When I was young I remember saying God use me for Your will, never quite thought about what that ways He might at the time. :) But I'm glad He did for as I got older I turned my back on Him in many ways. Some of my friends that I grew up with read the blog say they didn't remember me being able to spell that well... spell check:). I do however write from my heart and funny how I use to only pray when I was in trouble and now I pray most times before I even write, or just setting around. I thank you for the kind words and especially the prayers. I don't deserve either one but I cannot tell you how much that means to me. For those who have felt a connection with what I say though, I deserve none of the credit. I give that credit to God. God Bless & Keep You, Anthony
January 31, 2011 1:51 PM